Friday, July 12, 2013

opening jars

I love how God speaks to me through what people say, whether it's in person, or in a book or magazine I'm reading, or some other type of media. Yesterday was no exception. Except yesterday it was me.

Here's a little background:

It seems whenever I'm struggling to open a jar, which is fairly often, I ask my great and mighty kid to help me open it. Then as soon as the words are out of my mouth, oops! There goes the lid. So I then tell him, "Nevermind. I got it."  It has happened so often that I've told him that whenever I'm struggling to open a jar, I'm just going to ask him if he can open it for me because whenever I do, it opens. There has been very VERY few times that he's actually had to open a jar after I've asked.



So yesterday I was struggling with yet another jar. This time it was paint. I know, I know.....why would I put paint in a jar? My kid asked me the same question, and I'll give you the same answer I gave him: "Because it was the only container with a lid I could find when I was mixing the paint."

Anyway, I was struggling to open my jar of chartreuse paint. I tried twisting the lid with my right hand. I tried with my left hand. I tried tapping the side of the lid on something. All my usual jar-opening rituals--to no avail. So I went into the house (I was painting outside) and yelled to my great and mighty kid, "Can you open this jar for me?"  I gave the lid one more twist. Then oops! There goes the lid!  "Nevermind. I got it."  As he walked away I told him, "See? All I need to do is ask."

YES! That was it. Did you miss it?  "All I need to do is ask."

God spoke loud and clear on that one!  All I need to do is ask. Whatever need I have, all I need to do is ask.

Peace?  All I need to do is ask.
Healing? All I need to do is ask.
Strength?  All I need to do is ask.
Provision? All I need to do is ask.
Grace?  All I need to do is ask.
Boldness?  All I need to do is ask.
Confidence? All I need to do is ask.
Love?  All I need to do is ask.
Hope?  ....you get the picture.

Wow!









Thank You, Lord, for this reminder. I don't have to try to do things on my own. I don't have to worry about the things I need. I don't have to do anything to get these things from You. All I need to do is ask.

Oh my! Even now my heart is bursting with joy because of this revelation. Bursting with gratitude and thankfulness at His awesome goodness.

But why does it take my head and heart so long to realize this, when there is verse after verse that tells me this?  It was definitely an "Aha!" moment.  More like an "Ah God!" moment. I just love it!

Here are some verses to help me to remember:

*Matthew 6:8  ...for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

*Matthew 7:7-11  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or is he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!

*Matthew 18:19  Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven.

*Matthew 21:22  If you believe (this seems to be the only prerequisite to my asking), you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

*Luke 11:13  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!

*John 14:13-14  And I will do whatever you ask in My name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask Me for anything in My name, and I will do it.

*John 15:7  If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want, and it will be given you.

*John 15:16  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

*John 16:23-24,26  In that day you will no longer ask Me anything. Very truly I tell you, My Father will give you whatever you ask in My name.  Until now you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.... In that day you will ask in My name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf.  (Wow! If you can't find any others, these few verses sure have this asking thing covered)

*James 1:5-6  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

*James 4:2-3  You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

*1 John 5:14-15  This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him.

And here's one unrelated to asking, but I thought it was pretty appropriate for the jar thing:

*2 Corinthians 4:7  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  (I think I found a treasure in my jar yesterday!)


Sunday, April 21, 2013

Just 40 days!

Over the next few posts I will be writing about things I've journaled about in the past.  They are entries that I wrote after reading God's Word and what it revealed to me at that time.  Although I originally wrote them a few years ago, I think they still all apply to today. 

Just 40 Days!


 
Let's start with Exodus.  It's where Moses went up to Mount Sinai and left the Israelites for 40 days and nights. 

Then Moses climbed the mountain. The Cloud covered the mountain. The Glory of God settled over Mount Sinai. The Cloud covered it for six days. On the seventh day he called out of the Cloud to Moses. In the view of the Israelites below, the Glory of God looked like a raging fire at the top of the mountain.  Moses entered the middle of the Cloud and climbed the mountain. Moses was on the mountain forty days and forty nights.   ~Exodus 24:15-18

While he was gone, the Israelites built a golden calf to worship, and started sinning against God.  It only took a short time for them to be led astray--just 40 days!  That is not a long time in the big picture. 

When the people realized that Moses was taking forever in coming down off the mountain, they rallied around Aaron and said, “Do something. Make gods for us who will lead us. That Moses, the man who got us out of Egypt—who knows what’s happened to him?”
So Aaron told them, “Take off the gold rings from the ears of your wives and sons and daughters and bring them to me.” They all did it; they removed the gold rings from their ears and brought them to Aaron. He took the gold from their hands and cast it in the form of a calf, shaping it with an engraving tool.  The people responded with enthusiasm: “These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up from Egypt!” 
~Exodus 32:1-4

If it only took the Israelites 40 days when God was just a few short steps away from them at the top of the mountain, how much sooner will we be led astray when we can't even see Him with our natural eyes?!

When we aren't continually in His Word, it doesn't take very long before we start to sin and stop following and trusting Him.  The Israelites were depending on Moses, a mere human, to lead them.  Even though God was in their presence, showing Himself thru a cloud of smoke during the day and a pillar of fire at night, they still would not listen to Him. Nor would they trust Him. 

The moment Moses, the one they were really following, left their site, they became afraid and felt the need to look to other things to put their trust in. Things they could see. Things they could touch.  They began worshiping something they created. They sinned in every way against the One in whom they SHOULD HAVE BEEN following and trusting.

I am also guilty of this sin.  I have been trusting in things I've created for myself. Things I can see and touch.  I have been relying on others as my source....my job, my family, my friends, my income, etc....things I have or could have.  I have not been trusting the One and only Source of EVERYTHING I could ever possibly want or need.  HE is the Source of my DESIRE.  He IS my desire!

One thing I have desired of the Lord, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord, And to inquire in His temple. ~Psalm 27:4

He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them. ~Psalm 145:9

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. ~Psalm 73:25

When Moses came back down the mountain and saw the golden calf, he displayed an emotion that God was feeling at the same time--anger.  So in his anger, Moses ground the golden calf into dust and made them drink it in another of their sources....their water. 

God spoke to Moses, “Go! Get down there! Your people whom you brought up from the land of Egypt have fallen to pieces. In no time at all they’ve turned away from the way I commanded them: They made a molten calf and worshiped it....I look at this people—oh! what a stubborn, hard-headed people! Let me alone now, give my anger free reign to burst into flames and incinerate them. But I’ll make a great nation out of you.”   ~Exodus 32:7, 9-10

All that I have been "worshiping" can also be destroyed.  Although I am covered by the Blood of Jesus and so graciously forgiven, I could very easily be destroyed (and all that I have) if God so chooses to do so.  But in His mercy and grace, He chooses not to. What a amazing thing that is!

This is where I live every.single.day.....

My Prayer:

Father God, please forgive me for worshiping "things" and not You.  Please forgive me for not trusting You and please help me to trust You more.  JESUS is my Source. Show me just how BIG my Source is. Relieve me of my "things" and help me to come to You for my every need and desire. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Just breathe.....


Just breathe.

.

Slower.

.

That's it.

.

Now push.

.

Harder.

.

Almost there.

.

One more.

.

Here it comes.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's a boy!

Then came the best sound in all the world at that moment: you cried.

And so did I. Tears of joy, relief, exhaustion, and pure love.

Pure, unadulterated, unqualified, complete, absolute, true LOVE!

You were so tiny. 4 lbs, 10 oz, 17” long. Too small to take you home...just yet. Leaving you....I cried some more. How could someone miss a person so much, after such a short time with them? Much too short.

At home life was changed forever. Never to be the same again.

Diapers. Bottles. Formula. Pureed food. Solid food. Wee little onesies. Feet jammies. Hugs. Kisses. Snot. Projectile vomit. Grins. Giggles. Sleepless nights. Lullabies. “Good mornin Mommy”. Birthdays. Toys. Toys. And more toys. Daycare tears (mine). New little friends (yours). Swimming lessons. Kindergarten. Soccer practice. Grade School. Tae Kwon Do. New bigger friends. Homeschool. Baseball games. Baseball cards. The Teen Years. Oh my!

Where did all the years go? Too quickly they flew. Much too quickly.

Learning to ride your bike on the 2nd try. Or 3rd.

Skateboarding before I was ready...but you were.

Walks to the park, and playing for hours. HOURS!

Being the “cool kid on the bus”. Before you were six.

Growing out of blue jeans much too quickly. And shoes. And shirts. And toys.

Lego creations strewn over the living room floor. Pieces right where I kneeled to play with you.

“I love you, Mommy”s with tiny arms wrapped around my neck. Kisses goodnight.

Stories told and books read before drifting off to sleep. Each and every night.

Worshiping in church with arms lifted above your head. Peace on your face. Tears on mine.

Playing baseball while my heart swelled with pride. Joy on your face.

All of it past, but still fresh in my mind and heart as tho it happened just yesterday. WASN’T it just yesterday????

Now as I look ahead at where your life might go, I only see promise and hope and joy and peace for you. And love.

There is so much goodness in you.

I watch in awe as your generous heart pours out for others.

Your infectious grin bring joy to other faces.

Your gentleness is shown when you help others.

Your tenderness reveals itself when you are a big brother to children that aren’t mine.

You have always been my biggest cheerleader. Believing in me when I couldn’t. Encouraging me when I needed it. Reminding me I’m beautiful when I don’t feel it. Showing God’s love for me when I doubt it from others. Liking me when I’m the least likable. Forgiving me. Always.

Josey, I could say so much more about your compassion, kindness, honesty, trustworthiness, integrity, honor, love, goodwill, concern for others, transparency, thoughtfulness, silliness, fun-loving attitude, and even your maleness.....but I will let you just show it in all that you do.

Happy 14th birthday, my son! I love you more than words could ever say. And indeed, I like you too! You are the best! And I am honored to be your mom. Blessed beyond words.

Love Always & Forever—

Mom

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, March 24, 2013

random things about me

It seems that the only time I get to blog is late at night or early morning, and even then I have a hard time deciding what to blog without boring you all completely to death. There are so many things I *could* say, but won't, just because I don't want to lose you about a 1/3 of the way thru a post....that's just how uneventful my life is right now. And that is just the way I like it sometimes. OK, most times. After being a die-hard partier for more years than I like to admit, "uneventful" is right up my alley now-a-days.

I am often inspired by fellow bloggers by what they write about, and always think "hey, that's a good idea!" Until it comes time to write about it. The passion is lost somewhere between "good idea" and the time I put fingers to keyboard. So here I sit, in front of a blank blog screen for what seems like eternity. And you get to look at the same post I blogged about 3+ months ago....or so it seems.

But this time I am inspired by a fellow blogger to just give you a list of things you may or may not know about me. She called hers "100 Things" about her, but I don't know if that's how many things this will turn into. Thus it's just called "random things about me".  Plus I don't want to scare you away by thinking you just may be here for far faaaaarrr too long.  Fair enough?

OK, so you're still here. Good. So am I.

So here goes......

Just a *few* things about me that you may or may not have already known:

1) I love Jesus!

2) I am a single mom

3) With a great kid!

4) I actually really love being a single mom, but it's tough most days.

5) I don't get enough sleep (might be a result of blogging at the wee hours.....or not).

6) I get cranky when I don't get enough sleep.

7) I am a morning person

8) Most days.

9) I didn't used to be. I used to be a noon-or-later riser. Any time before that and you better not even talk to me.

10) That lasted until I became a mom.

11) Then I had no choice but to be a morning person, because my kid is.

12) I love having a teenage boy......who knew that would ever happen?

13) I'm older than many people think I am. Mostly because I look younger than my 30+ years.

14) No, I'm not really in my 30s ;)

15) I use smileys waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too much!

16) Yes, it can be annoying.

17) But I don't care.

18) I have very strong opinions and express them occasionally.

19) It gets me in trouble occasionally.

20) Usually whenever I express them.

21) I change my opinion often

22) Depending on how much I have learned about the subject since my last opinion about it was formed.

23) I used to party waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much!

24) And I've paid the price for it.

25) God changed all that in 2005.

26) I thank Him for that.

27) But not often enough.

28) I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2005.

29) I used to let it define me

30) But not anymore.

31) I hate when people ask me about it. I just want to say "Please don't remind me that I'm not feeling good today."

32) Even tho most days I'm not feeling good.

33) Yes, I realize "good" is improper grammar.  But again I don't care.

34) OK, I care. But just a little.

35) I am not too fussy about improper grammar.

36) But I am about proper spelling (just ask my kid)

37) But just most of the time.

38) The times I'm not is when I'm sleeping.....hehe

39) It drives me crazy to have to write "b" and "r u" and other abbreviations for texting.

40) But I do it anyway. Mostly so I don't drive everyone else crazy with my lengthy texts.

41) Which reminds me, a few months ago both my kid and I went over our text limits by over 300 texts each.

42) Don't ask me how that happened. I'm still trying to wrap my own head around that one.

43) I'm consistently and potentially late for most things.

44) Sometimes even important things.

45) And if I'm not late, I'm there at the last possible minute.

46) And I hate that I am. Always late. Or last minute. A lot.

47) I blame social media.

48) Most of the time.

49) Sometimes I just blame it on being one of those days I'm not a morning person.

50) I hate taking showers.

51) And baths.

52) But I do because I want to keep my friends.

53) But I only do 2-3 times a week.

54) Mostly just twice.

55) But I'm not sorry about it....unless I know I stink....then I'm sorry

56) But only just a little.

57) Did I mention that I hate fibromyalgia?  I do.

58) A LOT

59) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

60) I'm also a softie when it comes to babies.

61) I wish I could have at least 3 more.

62) But only when they're cute and cuddly and not screaming or pooping or puking or any number of other things that are displeasing to the senses.

63) During those times I give them back to their moms.

64) Except these 2 little girls I know.....

65) I'd keep them even when they're not cute and cuddly, and when they are screaming or pooping or puking or any number of other things that are displeasing to the senses.

66) Yes, I love them that much!

67) Almost as much as my own kid.

68) I did say "almost"

69) I don't think I could love someone else that much.

70) Except Jesus.

71) When I was younger I used to race snowmobiles

72) And jump my little red truck.

73) Not with a snowmobile. Just my truck. Over creek beds.

74) OK, so it was only one time. That I jumped my little red truck.

75) But I raced snowmobiles several times.

76) And won.

77) But that was when I was younger.

78) MUCH younger!

79) OK, not THAT much!

80) I don't care for talking on the phone

81) So I'm bad at returning phone calls.

82) I'd rather text. (probably the reason I went over my text limit)

83) I'm secretly a Texas Ranger and Florida Gators fan. (OK, so maybe it's not so much a secret anymore)

84) My goal 20 yrs ago was to own a business in 5 yrs

85) After 19 years that goal was fulfilled.

86) I never in a million years would have believed it would be the type of business it is.

87) And God must just be sitting up there chuckling about it all.

88) That's good. I like making God chuckle.

89) I secretly think He chuckles at me quite often. Or at how my life has taken a totally different route than I would have ever planned it to take.

90) Like how I wanted to be the "cool mom" on the block.

91) I'm secretly more like the "dorky mom" on the block.  OK, that's probably not such a secret either, nor has it ever been.

92) Again, I don't care.

93) I used to care what other people thought about me. All.the.time.

94) Now....not.so.much.

95) It gets me in trouble sometimes.  See #18

96) I know you looked back to #18...hehe.

97) I waste too much time.....doing nothing but sitting and thinking.

98) I used to wet the bed.....until I was 10. Then it was suddenly done. Thank You, God!

99) I still have nightmares about it.

100) I still have recurrent nightmares about a lot of things that happened in my past.

101) Mostly things I wish I could take back.

102) But God in His grace has used them for the good.

103) Except for wetting the bed, I've figured out most of the answers to "why did that happen?"

104) I have too many secrets that need to come out.

105) This is NOT the place for them.

106) I hate secrets......they're usually dirty and dark......the enemy's favorite fodder.

107) But I DO keep secrets that others confide in me.

108) I try d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.l.y. to be a person of integrity.....but sometimes I fail....miserably.

109) I don't talk to most of my family.

110) And that saddens me.

111) I pray for my family almost daily.....I DO love them after all.

112) Most days I don't feel loved.

113) That saddens me too.

114) I know deeeeeeeep in my heart that it's a lie.....but most days I still believe it in my head.

115) My favorite all-time book is "I Like Myself" by Karen Beaumont

116) My son is a dork.....but so am I.....

117) If you make me laugh, I just may call you a dork. Please don't take offense at it. It's one of my quirky terms of endearment.....really it is....takes one to know one, right?!?

118) I don't know if I pray often enough. Does talking to God in my heart all day count?

119) This is NOT the life I planned for myself.

120) But it's where God wants me for now.

121) I want to move to Florida.....or Texas.....or Hawaii

122) BADLY!!!!!

123) I also want to become a missionary in Haiti.

124) But I can't afford either.

125) And that makes me really sad.

127) I don't have many friends.

128) This makes me sad too.

129) And lonely.

130) My dream job is professional photographer

131) Or really good amateur

132) But I can't afford the equipment it requires.

133) I've been praying for it daily for as long as I can remember praying

134) Some days I find myself repeating "just keep swimming...just keep swimming..."

135) I enjoy swimming, but I hate wearing swimsuits

136) I delayed getting baptized because of fear of standing in front of a crowd

137) The next year I didn't let it stop me

138) I shake in my shoes when I have to stand in front of a crowd

139) But I've learned to just do it....afraid

140) I'm afraid of letting people get to know me....the real me

141) Because of my past

142) But no more.....

143) This list is helping with that

144) I'm secretly pretty funny....at least my kid says I am

145) At least he laughs at my ridiculous jokes and stories

146) I enjoy most people......did I say "most"?  Eek!

147) There are just some people I can't be around....but that's probably wise

148) I'm a list person.....

149) And for that I AM sorry

150) And.....Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so

151) And if you know nothing else about me, #1 & 150 are ALL you need to know!


Friday, July 12, 2013

opening jars

I love how God speaks to me through what people say, whether it's in person, or in a book or magazine I'm reading, or some other type of media. Yesterday was no exception. Except yesterday it was me.

Here's a little background:

It seems whenever I'm struggling to open a jar, which is fairly often, I ask my great and mighty kid to help me open it. Then as soon as the words are out of my mouth, oops! There goes the lid. So I then tell him, "Nevermind. I got it."  It has happened so often that I've told him that whenever I'm struggling to open a jar, I'm just going to ask him if he can open it for me because whenever I do, it opens. There has been very VERY few times that he's actually had to open a jar after I've asked.



So yesterday I was struggling with yet another jar. This time it was paint. I know, I know.....why would I put paint in a jar? My kid asked me the same question, and I'll give you the same answer I gave him: "Because it was the only container with a lid I could find when I was mixing the paint."

Anyway, I was struggling to open my jar of chartreuse paint. I tried twisting the lid with my right hand. I tried with my left hand. I tried tapping the side of the lid on something. All my usual jar-opening rituals--to no avail. So I went into the house (I was painting outside) and yelled to my great and mighty kid, "Can you open this jar for me?"  I gave the lid one more twist. Then oops! There goes the lid!  "Nevermind. I got it."  As he walked away I told him, "See? All I need to do is ask."

YES! That was it. Did you miss it?  "All I need to do is ask."

God spoke loud and clear on that one!  All I need to do is ask. Whatever need I have, all I need to do is ask.

Peace?  All I need to do is ask.
Healing? All I need to do is ask.
Strength?  All I need to do is ask.
Provision? All I need to do is ask.
Grace?  All I need to do is ask.
Boldness?  All I need to do is ask.
Confidence? All I need to do is ask.
Love?  All I need to do is ask.
Hope?  ....you get the picture.

Wow!









Thank You, Lord, for this reminder. I don't have to try to do things on my own. I don't have to worry about the things I need. I don't have to do anything to get these things from You. All I need to do is ask.

Oh my! Even now my heart is bursting with joy because of this revelation. Bursting with gratitude and thankfulness at His awesome goodness.

But why does it take my head and heart so long to realize this, when there is verse after verse that tells me this?  It was definitely an "Aha!" moment.  More like an "Ah God!" moment. I just love it!

Here are some verses to help me to remember:

*Matthew 6:8  ...for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

*Matthew 7:7-11  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or is he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!

*Matthew 18:19  Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven.

*Matthew 21:22  If you believe (this seems to be the only prerequisite to my asking), you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

*Luke 11:13  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!

*John 14:13-14  And I will do whatever you ask in My name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask Me for anything in My name, and I will do it.

*John 15:7  If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want, and it will be given you.

*John 15:16  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

*John 16:23-24,26  In that day you will no longer ask Me anything. Very truly I tell you, My Father will give you whatever you ask in My name.  Until now you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.... In that day you will ask in My name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf.  (Wow! If you can't find any others, these few verses sure have this asking thing covered)

*James 1:5-6  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

*James 4:2-3  You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

*1 John 5:14-15  This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him.

And here's one unrelated to asking, but I thought it was pretty appropriate for the jar thing:

*2 Corinthians 4:7  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  (I think I found a treasure in my jar yesterday!)


Sunday, April 21, 2013

Just 40 days!

Over the next few posts I will be writing about things I've journaled about in the past.  They are entries that I wrote after reading God's Word and what it revealed to me at that time.  Although I originally wrote them a few years ago, I think they still all apply to today. 

Just 40 Days!


 
Let's start with Exodus.  It's where Moses went up to Mount Sinai and left the Israelites for 40 days and nights. 

Then Moses climbed the mountain. The Cloud covered the mountain. The Glory of God settled over Mount Sinai. The Cloud covered it for six days. On the seventh day he called out of the Cloud to Moses. In the view of the Israelites below, the Glory of God looked like a raging fire at the top of the mountain.  Moses entered the middle of the Cloud and climbed the mountain. Moses was on the mountain forty days and forty nights.   ~Exodus 24:15-18

While he was gone, the Israelites built a golden calf to worship, and started sinning against God.  It only took a short time for them to be led astray--just 40 days!  That is not a long time in the big picture. 

When the people realized that Moses was taking forever in coming down off the mountain, they rallied around Aaron and said, “Do something. Make gods for us who will lead us. That Moses, the man who got us out of Egypt—who knows what’s happened to him?”
So Aaron told them, “Take off the gold rings from the ears of your wives and sons and daughters and bring them to me.” They all did it; they removed the gold rings from their ears and brought them to Aaron. He took the gold from their hands and cast it in the form of a calf, shaping it with an engraving tool.  The people responded with enthusiasm: “These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up from Egypt!” 
~Exodus 32:1-4

If it only took the Israelites 40 days when God was just a few short steps away from them at the top of the mountain, how much sooner will we be led astray when we can't even see Him with our natural eyes?!

When we aren't continually in His Word, it doesn't take very long before we start to sin and stop following and trusting Him.  The Israelites were depending on Moses, a mere human, to lead them.  Even though God was in their presence, showing Himself thru a cloud of smoke during the day and a pillar of fire at night, they still would not listen to Him. Nor would they trust Him. 

The moment Moses, the one they were really following, left their site, they became afraid and felt the need to look to other things to put their trust in. Things they could see. Things they could touch.  They began worshiping something they created. They sinned in every way against the One in whom they SHOULD HAVE BEEN following and trusting.

I am also guilty of this sin.  I have been trusting in things I've created for myself. Things I can see and touch.  I have been relying on others as my source....my job, my family, my friends, my income, etc....things I have or could have.  I have not been trusting the One and only Source of EVERYTHING I could ever possibly want or need.  HE is the Source of my DESIRE.  He IS my desire!

One thing I have desired of the Lord, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord, And to inquire in His temple. ~Psalm 27:4

He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them. ~Psalm 145:9

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. ~Psalm 73:25

When Moses came back down the mountain and saw the golden calf, he displayed an emotion that God was feeling at the same time--anger.  So in his anger, Moses ground the golden calf into dust and made them drink it in another of their sources....their water. 

God spoke to Moses, “Go! Get down there! Your people whom you brought up from the land of Egypt have fallen to pieces. In no time at all they’ve turned away from the way I commanded them: They made a molten calf and worshiped it....I look at this people—oh! what a stubborn, hard-headed people! Let me alone now, give my anger free reign to burst into flames and incinerate them. But I’ll make a great nation out of you.”   ~Exodus 32:7, 9-10

All that I have been "worshiping" can also be destroyed.  Although I am covered by the Blood of Jesus and so graciously forgiven, I could very easily be destroyed (and all that I have) if God so chooses to do so.  But in His mercy and grace, He chooses not to. What a amazing thing that is!

This is where I live every.single.day.....

My Prayer:

Father God, please forgive me for worshiping "things" and not You.  Please forgive me for not trusting You and please help me to trust You more.  JESUS is my Source. Show me just how BIG my Source is. Relieve me of my "things" and help me to come to You for my every need and desire. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Just breathe.....


Just breathe.

.

Slower.

.

That's it.

.

Now push.

.

Harder.

.

Almost there.

.

One more.

.

Here it comes.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's a boy!

Then came the best sound in all the world at that moment: you cried.

And so did I. Tears of joy, relief, exhaustion, and pure love.

Pure, unadulterated, unqualified, complete, absolute, true LOVE!

You were so tiny. 4 lbs, 10 oz, 17” long. Too small to take you home...just yet. Leaving you....I cried some more. How could someone miss a person so much, after such a short time with them? Much too short.

At home life was changed forever. Never to be the same again.

Diapers. Bottles. Formula. Pureed food. Solid food. Wee little onesies. Feet jammies. Hugs. Kisses. Snot. Projectile vomit. Grins. Giggles. Sleepless nights. Lullabies. “Good mornin Mommy”. Birthdays. Toys. Toys. And more toys. Daycare tears (mine). New little friends (yours). Swimming lessons. Kindergarten. Soccer practice. Grade School. Tae Kwon Do. New bigger friends. Homeschool. Baseball games. Baseball cards. The Teen Years. Oh my!

Where did all the years go? Too quickly they flew. Much too quickly.

Learning to ride your bike on the 2nd try. Or 3rd.

Skateboarding before I was ready...but you were.

Walks to the park, and playing for hours. HOURS!

Being the “cool kid on the bus”. Before you were six.

Growing out of blue jeans much too quickly. And shoes. And shirts. And toys.

Lego creations strewn over the living room floor. Pieces right where I kneeled to play with you.

“I love you, Mommy”s with tiny arms wrapped around my neck. Kisses goodnight.

Stories told and books read before drifting off to sleep. Each and every night.

Worshiping in church with arms lifted above your head. Peace on your face. Tears on mine.

Playing baseball while my heart swelled with pride. Joy on your face.

All of it past, but still fresh in my mind and heart as tho it happened just yesterday. WASN’T it just yesterday????

Now as I look ahead at where your life might go, I only see promise and hope and joy and peace for you. And love.

There is so much goodness in you.

I watch in awe as your generous heart pours out for others.

Your infectious grin bring joy to other faces.

Your gentleness is shown when you help others.

Your tenderness reveals itself when you are a big brother to children that aren’t mine.

You have always been my biggest cheerleader. Believing in me when I couldn’t. Encouraging me when I needed it. Reminding me I’m beautiful when I don’t feel it. Showing God’s love for me when I doubt it from others. Liking me when I’m the least likable. Forgiving me. Always.

Josey, I could say so much more about your compassion, kindness, honesty, trustworthiness, integrity, honor, love, goodwill, concern for others, transparency, thoughtfulness, silliness, fun-loving attitude, and even your maleness.....but I will let you just show it in all that you do.

Happy 14th birthday, my son! I love you more than words could ever say. And indeed, I like you too! You are the best! And I am honored to be your mom. Blessed beyond words.

Love Always & Forever—

Mom

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, March 24, 2013

random things about me

It seems that the only time I get to blog is late at night or early morning, and even then I have a hard time deciding what to blog without boring you all completely to death. There are so many things I *could* say, but won't, just because I don't want to lose you about a 1/3 of the way thru a post....that's just how uneventful my life is right now. And that is just the way I like it sometimes. OK, most times. After being a die-hard partier for more years than I like to admit, "uneventful" is right up my alley now-a-days.

I am often inspired by fellow bloggers by what they write about, and always think "hey, that's a good idea!" Until it comes time to write about it. The passion is lost somewhere between "good idea" and the time I put fingers to keyboard. So here I sit, in front of a blank blog screen for what seems like eternity. And you get to look at the same post I blogged about 3+ months ago....or so it seems.

But this time I am inspired by a fellow blogger to just give you a list of things you may or may not know about me. She called hers "100 Things" about her, but I don't know if that's how many things this will turn into. Thus it's just called "random things about me".  Plus I don't want to scare you away by thinking you just may be here for far faaaaarrr too long.  Fair enough?

OK, so you're still here. Good. So am I.

So here goes......

Just a *few* things about me that you may or may not have already known:

1) I love Jesus!

2) I am a single mom

3) With a great kid!

4) I actually really love being a single mom, but it's tough most days.

5) I don't get enough sleep (might be a result of blogging at the wee hours.....or not).

6) I get cranky when I don't get enough sleep.

7) I am a morning person

8) Most days.

9) I didn't used to be. I used to be a noon-or-later riser. Any time before that and you better not even talk to me.

10) That lasted until I became a mom.

11) Then I had no choice but to be a morning person, because my kid is.

12) I love having a teenage boy......who knew that would ever happen?

13) I'm older than many people think I am. Mostly because I look younger than my 30+ years.

14) No, I'm not really in my 30s ;)

15) I use smileys waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too much!

16) Yes, it can be annoying.

17) But I don't care.

18) I have very strong opinions and express them occasionally.

19) It gets me in trouble occasionally.

20) Usually whenever I express them.

21) I change my opinion often

22) Depending on how much I have learned about the subject since my last opinion about it was formed.

23) I used to party waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much!

24) And I've paid the price for it.

25) God changed all that in 2005.

26) I thank Him for that.

27) But not often enough.

28) I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2005.

29) I used to let it define me

30) But not anymore.

31) I hate when people ask me about it. I just want to say "Please don't remind me that I'm not feeling good today."

32) Even tho most days I'm not feeling good.

33) Yes, I realize "good" is improper grammar.  But again I don't care.

34) OK, I care. But just a little.

35) I am not too fussy about improper grammar.

36) But I am about proper spelling (just ask my kid)

37) But just most of the time.

38) The times I'm not is when I'm sleeping.....hehe

39) It drives me crazy to have to write "b" and "r u" and other abbreviations for texting.

40) But I do it anyway. Mostly so I don't drive everyone else crazy with my lengthy texts.

41) Which reminds me, a few months ago both my kid and I went over our text limits by over 300 texts each.

42) Don't ask me how that happened. I'm still trying to wrap my own head around that one.

43) I'm consistently and potentially late for most things.

44) Sometimes even important things.

45) And if I'm not late, I'm there at the last possible minute.

46) And I hate that I am. Always late. Or last minute. A lot.

47) I blame social media.

48) Most of the time.

49) Sometimes I just blame it on being one of those days I'm not a morning person.

50) I hate taking showers.

51) And baths.

52) But I do because I want to keep my friends.

53) But I only do 2-3 times a week.

54) Mostly just twice.

55) But I'm not sorry about it....unless I know I stink....then I'm sorry

56) But only just a little.

57) Did I mention that I hate fibromyalgia?  I do.

58) A LOT

59) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

60) I'm also a softie when it comes to babies.

61) I wish I could have at least 3 more.

62) But only when they're cute and cuddly and not screaming or pooping or puking or any number of other things that are displeasing to the senses.

63) During those times I give them back to their moms.

64) Except these 2 little girls I know.....

65) I'd keep them even when they're not cute and cuddly, and when they are screaming or pooping or puking or any number of other things that are displeasing to the senses.

66) Yes, I love them that much!

67) Almost as much as my own kid.

68) I did say "almost"

69) I don't think I could love someone else that much.

70) Except Jesus.

71) When I was younger I used to race snowmobiles

72) And jump my little red truck.

73) Not with a snowmobile. Just my truck. Over creek beds.

74) OK, so it was only one time. That I jumped my little red truck.

75) But I raced snowmobiles several times.

76) And won.

77) But that was when I was younger.

78) MUCH younger!

79) OK, not THAT much!

80) I don't care for talking on the phone

81) So I'm bad at returning phone calls.

82) I'd rather text. (probably the reason I went over my text limit)

83) I'm secretly a Texas Ranger and Florida Gators fan. (OK, so maybe it's not so much a secret anymore)

84) My goal 20 yrs ago was to own a business in 5 yrs

85) After 19 years that goal was fulfilled.

86) I never in a million years would have believed it would be the type of business it is.

87) And God must just be sitting up there chuckling about it all.

88) That's good. I like making God chuckle.

89) I secretly think He chuckles at me quite often. Or at how my life has taken a totally different route than I would have ever planned it to take.

90) Like how I wanted to be the "cool mom" on the block.

91) I'm secretly more like the "dorky mom" on the block.  OK, that's probably not such a secret either, nor has it ever been.

92) Again, I don't care.

93) I used to care what other people thought about me. All.the.time.

94) Now....not.so.much.

95) It gets me in trouble sometimes.  See #18

96) I know you looked back to #18...hehe.

97) I waste too much time.....doing nothing but sitting and thinking.

98) I used to wet the bed.....until I was 10. Then it was suddenly done. Thank You, God!

99) I still have nightmares about it.

100) I still have recurrent nightmares about a lot of things that happened in my past.

101) Mostly things I wish I could take back.

102) But God in His grace has used them for the good.

103) Except for wetting the bed, I've figured out most of the answers to "why did that happen?"

104) I have too many secrets that need to come out.

105) This is NOT the place for them.

106) I hate secrets......they're usually dirty and dark......the enemy's favorite fodder.

107) But I DO keep secrets that others confide in me.

108) I try d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.l.y. to be a person of integrity.....but sometimes I fail....miserably.

109) I don't talk to most of my family.

110) And that saddens me.

111) I pray for my family almost daily.....I DO love them after all.

112) Most days I don't feel loved.

113) That saddens me too.

114) I know deeeeeeeep in my heart that it's a lie.....but most days I still believe it in my head.

115) My favorite all-time book is "I Like Myself" by Karen Beaumont

116) My son is a dork.....but so am I.....

117) If you make me laugh, I just may call you a dork. Please don't take offense at it. It's one of my quirky terms of endearment.....really it is....takes one to know one, right?!?

118) I don't know if I pray often enough. Does talking to God in my heart all day count?

119) This is NOT the life I planned for myself.

120) But it's where God wants me for now.

121) I want to move to Florida.....or Texas.....or Hawaii

122) BADLY!!!!!

123) I also want to become a missionary in Haiti.

124) But I can't afford either.

125) And that makes me really sad.

127) I don't have many friends.

128) This makes me sad too.

129) And lonely.

130) My dream job is professional photographer

131) Or really good amateur

132) But I can't afford the equipment it requires.

133) I've been praying for it daily for as long as I can remember praying

134) Some days I find myself repeating "just keep swimming...just keep swimming..."

135) I enjoy swimming, but I hate wearing swimsuits

136) I delayed getting baptized because of fear of standing in front of a crowd

137) The next year I didn't let it stop me

138) I shake in my shoes when I have to stand in front of a crowd

139) But I've learned to just do it....afraid

140) I'm afraid of letting people get to know me....the real me

141) Because of my past

142) But no more.....

143) This list is helping with that

144) I'm secretly pretty funny....at least my kid says I am

145) At least he laughs at my ridiculous jokes and stories

146) I enjoy most people......did I say "most"?  Eek!

147) There are just some people I can't be around....but that's probably wise

148) I'm a list person.....

149) And for that I AM sorry

150) And.....Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so

151) And if you know nothing else about me, #1 & 150 are ALL you need to know!