Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Just breathe.....


Just breathe.

.

Slower.

.

That's it.

.

Now push.

.

Harder.

.

Almost there.

.

One more.

.

Here it comes.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's a boy!

Then came the best sound in all the world at that moment: you cried.

And so did I. Tears of joy, relief, exhaustion, and pure love.

Pure, unadulterated, unqualified, complete, absolute, true LOVE!

You were so tiny. 4 lbs, 10 oz, 17” long. Too small to take you home...just yet. Leaving you....I cried some more. How could someone miss a person so much, after such a short time with them? Much too short.

At home life was changed forever. Never to be the same again.

Diapers. Bottles. Formula. Pureed food. Solid food. Wee little onesies. Feet jammies. Hugs. Kisses. Snot. Projectile vomit. Grins. Giggles. Sleepless nights. Lullabies. “Good mornin Mommy”. Birthdays. Toys. Toys. And more toys. Daycare tears (mine). New little friends (yours). Swimming lessons. Kindergarten. Soccer practice. Grade School. Tae Kwon Do. New bigger friends. Homeschool. Baseball games. Baseball cards. The Teen Years. Oh my!

Where did all the years go? Too quickly they flew. Much too quickly.

Learning to ride your bike on the 2nd try. Or 3rd.

Skateboarding before I was ready...but you were.

Walks to the park, and playing for hours. HOURS!

Being the “cool kid on the bus”. Before you were six.

Growing out of blue jeans much too quickly. And shoes. And shirts. And toys.

Lego creations strewn over the living room floor. Pieces right where I kneeled to play with you.

“I love you, Mommy”s with tiny arms wrapped around my neck. Kisses goodnight.

Stories told and books read before drifting off to sleep. Each and every night.

Worshiping in church with arms lifted above your head. Peace on your face. Tears on mine.

Playing baseball while my heart swelled with pride. Joy on your face.

All of it past, but still fresh in my mind and heart as tho it happened just yesterday. WASN’T it just yesterday????

Now as I look ahead at where your life might go, I only see promise and hope and joy and peace for you. And love.

There is so much goodness in you.

I watch in awe as your generous heart pours out for others.

Your infectious grin bring joy to other faces.

Your gentleness is shown when you help others.

Your tenderness reveals itself when you are a big brother to children that aren’t mine.

You have always been my biggest cheerleader. Believing in me when I couldn’t. Encouraging me when I needed it. Reminding me I’m beautiful when I don’t feel it. Showing God’s love for me when I doubt it from others. Liking me when I’m the least likable. Forgiving me. Always.

Josey, I could say so much more about your compassion, kindness, honesty, trustworthiness, integrity, honor, love, goodwill, concern for others, transparency, thoughtfulness, silliness, fun-loving attitude, and even your maleness.....but I will let you just show it in all that you do.

Happy 14th birthday, my son! I love you more than words could ever say. And indeed, I like you too! You are the best! And I am honored to be your mom. Blessed beyond words.

Love Always & Forever—

Mom

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, March 24, 2013

random things about me

It seems that the only time I get to blog is late at night or early morning, and even then I have a hard time deciding what to blog without boring you all completely to death. There are so many things I *could* say, but won't, just because I don't want to lose you about a 1/3 of the way thru a post....that's just how uneventful my life is right now. And that is just the way I like it sometimes. OK, most times. After being a die-hard partier for more years than I like to admit, "uneventful" is right up my alley now-a-days.

I am often inspired by fellow bloggers by what they write about, and always think "hey, that's a good idea!" Until it comes time to write about it. The passion is lost somewhere between "good idea" and the time I put fingers to keyboard. So here I sit, in front of a blank blog screen for what seems like eternity. And you get to look at the same post I blogged about 3+ months ago....or so it seems.

But this time I am inspired by a fellow blogger to just give you a list of things you may or may not know about me. She called hers "100 Things" about her, but I don't know if that's how many things this will turn into. Thus it's just called "random things about me".  Plus I don't want to scare you away by thinking you just may be here for far faaaaarrr too long.  Fair enough?

OK, so you're still here. Good. So am I.

So here goes......

Just a *few* things about me that you may or may not have already known:

1) I love Jesus!

2) I am a single mom

3) With a great kid!

4) I actually really love being a single mom, but it's tough most days.

5) I don't get enough sleep (might be a result of blogging at the wee hours.....or not).

6) I get cranky when I don't get enough sleep.

7) I am a morning person

8) Most days.

9) I didn't used to be. I used to be a noon-or-later riser. Any time before that and you better not even talk to me.

10) That lasted until I became a mom.

11) Then I had no choice but to be a morning person, because my kid is.

12) I love having a teenage boy......who knew that would ever happen?

13) I'm older than many people think I am. Mostly because I look younger than my 30+ years.

14) No, I'm not really in my 30s ;)

15) I use smileys waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too much!

16) Yes, it can be annoying.

17) But I don't care.

18) I have very strong opinions and express them occasionally.

19) It gets me in trouble occasionally.

20) Usually whenever I express them.

21) I change my opinion often

22) Depending on how much I have learned about the subject since my last opinion about it was formed.

23) I used to party waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much!

24) And I've paid the price for it.

25) God changed all that in 2005.

26) I thank Him for that.

27) But not often enough.

28) I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2005.

29) I used to let it define me

30) But not anymore.

31) I hate when people ask me about it. I just want to say "Please don't remind me that I'm not feeling good today."

32) Even tho most days I'm not feeling good.

33) Yes, I realize "good" is improper grammar.  But again I don't care.

34) OK, I care. But just a little.

35) I am not too fussy about improper grammar.

36) But I am about proper spelling (just ask my kid)

37) But just most of the time.

38) The times I'm not is when I'm sleeping.....hehe

39) It drives me crazy to have to write "b" and "r u" and other abbreviations for texting.

40) But I do it anyway. Mostly so I don't drive everyone else crazy with my lengthy texts.

41) Which reminds me, a few months ago both my kid and I went over our text limits by over 300 texts each.

42) Don't ask me how that happened. I'm still trying to wrap my own head around that one.

43) I'm consistently and potentially late for most things.

44) Sometimes even important things.

45) And if I'm not late, I'm there at the last possible minute.

46) And I hate that I am. Always late. Or last minute. A lot.

47) I blame social media.

48) Most of the time.

49) Sometimes I just blame it on being one of those days I'm not a morning person.

50) I hate taking showers.

51) And baths.

52) But I do because I want to keep my friends.

53) But I only do 2-3 times a week.

54) Mostly just twice.

55) But I'm not sorry about it....unless I know I stink....then I'm sorry

56) But only just a little.

57) Did I mention that I hate fibromyalgia?  I do.

58) A LOT

59) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

60) I'm also a softie when it comes to babies.

61) I wish I could have at least 3 more.

62) But only when they're cute and cuddly and not screaming or pooping or puking or any number of other things that are displeasing to the senses.

63) During those times I give them back to their moms.

64) Except these 2 little girls I know.....

65) I'd keep them even when they're not cute and cuddly, and when they are screaming or pooping or puking or any number of other things that are displeasing to the senses.

66) Yes, I love them that much!

67) Almost as much as my own kid.

68) I did say "almost"

69) I don't think I could love someone else that much.

70) Except Jesus.

71) When I was younger I used to race snowmobiles

72) And jump my little red truck.

73) Not with a snowmobile. Just my truck. Over creek beds.

74) OK, so it was only one time. That I jumped my little red truck.

75) But I raced snowmobiles several times.

76) And won.

77) But that was when I was younger.

78) MUCH younger!

79) OK, not THAT much!

80) I don't care for talking on the phone

81) So I'm bad at returning phone calls.

82) I'd rather text. (probably the reason I went over my text limit)

83) I'm secretly a Texas Ranger and Florida Gators fan. (OK, so maybe it's not so much a secret anymore)

84) My goal 20 yrs ago was to own a business in 5 yrs

85) After 19 years that goal was fulfilled.

86) I never in a million years would have believed it would be the type of business it is.

87) And God must just be sitting up there chuckling about it all.

88) That's good. I like making God chuckle.

89) I secretly think He chuckles at me quite often. Or at how my life has taken a totally different route than I would have ever planned it to take.

90) Like how I wanted to be the "cool mom" on the block.

91) I'm secretly more like the "dorky mom" on the block.  OK, that's probably not such a secret either, nor has it ever been.

92) Again, I don't care.

93) I used to care what other people thought about me. All.the.time.

94) Now....not.so.much.

95) It gets me in trouble sometimes.  See #18

96) I know you looked back to #18...hehe.

97) I waste too much time.....doing nothing but sitting and thinking.

98) I used to wet the bed.....until I was 10. Then it was suddenly done. Thank You, God!

99) I still have nightmares about it.

100) I still have recurrent nightmares about a lot of things that happened in my past.

101) Mostly things I wish I could take back.

102) But God in His grace has used them for the good.

103) Except for wetting the bed, I've figured out most of the answers to "why did that happen?"

104) I have too many secrets that need to come out.

105) This is NOT the place for them.

106) I hate secrets......they're usually dirty and dark......the enemy's favorite fodder.

107) But I DO keep secrets that others confide in me.

108) I try d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.l.y. to be a person of integrity.....but sometimes I fail....miserably.

109) I don't talk to most of my family.

110) And that saddens me.

111) I pray for my family almost daily.....I DO love them after all.

112) Most days I don't feel loved.

113) That saddens me too.

114) I know deeeeeeeep in my heart that it's a lie.....but most days I still believe it in my head.

115) My favorite all-time book is "I Like Myself" by Karen Beaumont

116) My son is a dork.....but so am I.....

117) If you make me laugh, I just may call you a dork. Please don't take offense at it. It's one of my quirky terms of endearment.....really it is....takes one to know one, right?!?

118) I don't know if I pray often enough. Does talking to God in my heart all day count?

119) This is NOT the life I planned for myself.

120) But it's where God wants me for now.

121) I want to move to Florida.....or Texas.....or Hawaii

122) BADLY!!!!!

123) I also want to become a missionary in Haiti.

124) But I can't afford either.

125) And that makes me really sad.

127) I don't have many friends.

128) This makes me sad too.

129) And lonely.

130) My dream job is professional photographer

131) Or really good amateur

132) But I can't afford the equipment it requires.

133) I've been praying for it daily for as long as I can remember praying

134) Some days I find myself repeating "just keep swimming...just keep swimming..."

135) I enjoy swimming, but I hate wearing swimsuits

136) I delayed getting baptized because of fear of standing in front of a crowd

137) The next year I didn't let it stop me

138) I shake in my shoes when I have to stand in front of a crowd

139) But I've learned to just do it....afraid

140) I'm afraid of letting people get to know me....the real me

141) Because of my past

142) But no more.....

143) This list is helping with that

144) I'm secretly pretty funny....at least my kid says I am

145) At least he laughs at my ridiculous jokes and stories

146) I enjoy most people......did I say "most"?  Eek!

147) There are just some people I can't be around....but that's probably wise

148) I'm a list person.....

149) And for that I AM sorry

150) And.....Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so

151) And if you know nothing else about me, #1 & 150 are ALL you need to know!


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Just breathe.....


Just breathe.

.

Slower.

.

That's it.

.

Now push.

.

Harder.

.

Almost there.

.

One more.

.

Here it comes.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's a boy!

Then came the best sound in all the world at that moment: you cried.

And so did I. Tears of joy, relief, exhaustion, and pure love.

Pure, unadulterated, unqualified, complete, absolute, true LOVE!

You were so tiny. 4 lbs, 10 oz, 17” long. Too small to take you home...just yet. Leaving you....I cried some more. How could someone miss a person so much, after such a short time with them? Much too short.

At home life was changed forever. Never to be the same again.

Diapers. Bottles. Formula. Pureed food. Solid food. Wee little onesies. Feet jammies. Hugs. Kisses. Snot. Projectile vomit. Grins. Giggles. Sleepless nights. Lullabies. “Good mornin Mommy”. Birthdays. Toys. Toys. And more toys. Daycare tears (mine). New little friends (yours). Swimming lessons. Kindergarten. Soccer practice. Grade School. Tae Kwon Do. New bigger friends. Homeschool. Baseball games. Baseball cards. The Teen Years. Oh my!

Where did all the years go? Too quickly they flew. Much too quickly.

Learning to ride your bike on the 2nd try. Or 3rd.

Skateboarding before I was ready...but you were.

Walks to the park, and playing for hours. HOURS!

Being the “cool kid on the bus”. Before you were six.

Growing out of blue jeans much too quickly. And shoes. And shirts. And toys.

Lego creations strewn over the living room floor. Pieces right where I kneeled to play with you.

“I love you, Mommy”s with tiny arms wrapped around my neck. Kisses goodnight.

Stories told and books read before drifting off to sleep. Each and every night.

Worshiping in church with arms lifted above your head. Peace on your face. Tears on mine.

Playing baseball while my heart swelled with pride. Joy on your face.

All of it past, but still fresh in my mind and heart as tho it happened just yesterday. WASN’T it just yesterday????

Now as I look ahead at where your life might go, I only see promise and hope and joy and peace for you. And love.

There is so much goodness in you.

I watch in awe as your generous heart pours out for others.

Your infectious grin bring joy to other faces.

Your gentleness is shown when you help others.

Your tenderness reveals itself when you are a big brother to children that aren’t mine.

You have always been my biggest cheerleader. Believing in me when I couldn’t. Encouraging me when I needed it. Reminding me I’m beautiful when I don’t feel it. Showing God’s love for me when I doubt it from others. Liking me when I’m the least likable. Forgiving me. Always.

Josey, I could say so much more about your compassion, kindness, honesty, trustworthiness, integrity, honor, love, goodwill, concern for others, transparency, thoughtfulness, silliness, fun-loving attitude, and even your maleness.....but I will let you just show it in all that you do.

Happy 14th birthday, my son! I love you more than words could ever say. And indeed, I like you too! You are the best! And I am honored to be your mom. Blessed beyond words.

Love Always & Forever—

Mom

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, March 24, 2013

random things about me

It seems that the only time I get to blog is late at night or early morning, and even then I have a hard time deciding what to blog without boring you all completely to death. There are so many things I *could* say, but won't, just because I don't want to lose you about a 1/3 of the way thru a post....that's just how uneventful my life is right now. And that is just the way I like it sometimes. OK, most times. After being a die-hard partier for more years than I like to admit, "uneventful" is right up my alley now-a-days.

I am often inspired by fellow bloggers by what they write about, and always think "hey, that's a good idea!" Until it comes time to write about it. The passion is lost somewhere between "good idea" and the time I put fingers to keyboard. So here I sit, in front of a blank blog screen for what seems like eternity. And you get to look at the same post I blogged about 3+ months ago....or so it seems.

But this time I am inspired by a fellow blogger to just give you a list of things you may or may not know about me. She called hers "100 Things" about her, but I don't know if that's how many things this will turn into. Thus it's just called "random things about me".  Plus I don't want to scare you away by thinking you just may be here for far faaaaarrr too long.  Fair enough?

OK, so you're still here. Good. So am I.

So here goes......

Just a *few* things about me that you may or may not have already known:

1) I love Jesus!

2) I am a single mom

3) With a great kid!

4) I actually really love being a single mom, but it's tough most days.

5) I don't get enough sleep (might be a result of blogging at the wee hours.....or not).

6) I get cranky when I don't get enough sleep.

7) I am a morning person

8) Most days.

9) I didn't used to be. I used to be a noon-or-later riser. Any time before that and you better not even talk to me.

10) That lasted until I became a mom.

11) Then I had no choice but to be a morning person, because my kid is.

12) I love having a teenage boy......who knew that would ever happen?

13) I'm older than many people think I am. Mostly because I look younger than my 30+ years.

14) No, I'm not really in my 30s ;)

15) I use smileys waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too much!

16) Yes, it can be annoying.

17) But I don't care.

18) I have very strong opinions and express them occasionally.

19) It gets me in trouble occasionally.

20) Usually whenever I express them.

21) I change my opinion often

22) Depending on how much I have learned about the subject since my last opinion about it was formed.

23) I used to party waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much!

24) And I've paid the price for it.

25) God changed all that in 2005.

26) I thank Him for that.

27) But not often enough.

28) I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2005.

29) I used to let it define me

30) But not anymore.

31) I hate when people ask me about it. I just want to say "Please don't remind me that I'm not feeling good today."

32) Even tho most days I'm not feeling good.

33) Yes, I realize "good" is improper grammar.  But again I don't care.

34) OK, I care. But just a little.

35) I am not too fussy about improper grammar.

36) But I am about proper spelling (just ask my kid)

37) But just most of the time.

38) The times I'm not is when I'm sleeping.....hehe

39) It drives me crazy to have to write "b" and "r u" and other abbreviations for texting.

40) But I do it anyway. Mostly so I don't drive everyone else crazy with my lengthy texts.

41) Which reminds me, a few months ago both my kid and I went over our text limits by over 300 texts each.

42) Don't ask me how that happened. I'm still trying to wrap my own head around that one.

43) I'm consistently and potentially late for most things.

44) Sometimes even important things.

45) And if I'm not late, I'm there at the last possible minute.

46) And I hate that I am. Always late. Or last minute. A lot.

47) I blame social media.

48) Most of the time.

49) Sometimes I just blame it on being one of those days I'm not a morning person.

50) I hate taking showers.

51) And baths.

52) But I do because I want to keep my friends.

53) But I only do 2-3 times a week.

54) Mostly just twice.

55) But I'm not sorry about it....unless I know I stink....then I'm sorry

56) But only just a little.

57) Did I mention that I hate fibromyalgia?  I do.

58) A LOT

59) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

60) I'm also a softie when it comes to babies.

61) I wish I could have at least 3 more.

62) But only when they're cute and cuddly and not screaming or pooping or puking or any number of other things that are displeasing to the senses.

63) During those times I give them back to their moms.

64) Except these 2 little girls I know.....

65) I'd keep them even when they're not cute and cuddly, and when they are screaming or pooping or puking or any number of other things that are displeasing to the senses.

66) Yes, I love them that much!

67) Almost as much as my own kid.

68) I did say "almost"

69) I don't think I could love someone else that much.

70) Except Jesus.

71) When I was younger I used to race snowmobiles

72) And jump my little red truck.

73) Not with a snowmobile. Just my truck. Over creek beds.

74) OK, so it was only one time. That I jumped my little red truck.

75) But I raced snowmobiles several times.

76) And won.

77) But that was when I was younger.

78) MUCH younger!

79) OK, not THAT much!

80) I don't care for talking on the phone

81) So I'm bad at returning phone calls.

82) I'd rather text. (probably the reason I went over my text limit)

83) I'm secretly a Texas Ranger and Florida Gators fan. (OK, so maybe it's not so much a secret anymore)

84) My goal 20 yrs ago was to own a business in 5 yrs

85) After 19 years that goal was fulfilled.

86) I never in a million years would have believed it would be the type of business it is.

87) And God must just be sitting up there chuckling about it all.

88) That's good. I like making God chuckle.

89) I secretly think He chuckles at me quite often. Or at how my life has taken a totally different route than I would have ever planned it to take.

90) Like how I wanted to be the "cool mom" on the block.

91) I'm secretly more like the "dorky mom" on the block.  OK, that's probably not such a secret either, nor has it ever been.

92) Again, I don't care.

93) I used to care what other people thought about me. All.the.time.

94) Now....not.so.much.

95) It gets me in trouble sometimes.  See #18

96) I know you looked back to #18...hehe.

97) I waste too much time.....doing nothing but sitting and thinking.

98) I used to wet the bed.....until I was 10. Then it was suddenly done. Thank You, God!

99) I still have nightmares about it.

100) I still have recurrent nightmares about a lot of things that happened in my past.

101) Mostly things I wish I could take back.

102) But God in His grace has used them for the good.

103) Except for wetting the bed, I've figured out most of the answers to "why did that happen?"

104) I have too many secrets that need to come out.

105) This is NOT the place for them.

106) I hate secrets......they're usually dirty and dark......the enemy's favorite fodder.

107) But I DO keep secrets that others confide in me.

108) I try d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.l.y. to be a person of integrity.....but sometimes I fail....miserably.

109) I don't talk to most of my family.

110) And that saddens me.

111) I pray for my family almost daily.....I DO love them after all.

112) Most days I don't feel loved.

113) That saddens me too.

114) I know deeeeeeeep in my heart that it's a lie.....but most days I still believe it in my head.

115) My favorite all-time book is "I Like Myself" by Karen Beaumont

116) My son is a dork.....but so am I.....

117) If you make me laugh, I just may call you a dork. Please don't take offense at it. It's one of my quirky terms of endearment.....really it is....takes one to know one, right?!?

118) I don't know if I pray often enough. Does talking to God in my heart all day count?

119) This is NOT the life I planned for myself.

120) But it's where God wants me for now.

121) I want to move to Florida.....or Texas.....or Hawaii

122) BADLY!!!!!

123) I also want to become a missionary in Haiti.

124) But I can't afford either.

125) And that makes me really sad.

127) I don't have many friends.

128) This makes me sad too.

129) And lonely.

130) My dream job is professional photographer

131) Or really good amateur

132) But I can't afford the equipment it requires.

133) I've been praying for it daily for as long as I can remember praying

134) Some days I find myself repeating "just keep swimming...just keep swimming..."

135) I enjoy swimming, but I hate wearing swimsuits

136) I delayed getting baptized because of fear of standing in front of a crowd

137) The next year I didn't let it stop me

138) I shake in my shoes when I have to stand in front of a crowd

139) But I've learned to just do it....afraid

140) I'm afraid of letting people get to know me....the real me

141) Because of my past

142) But no more.....

143) This list is helping with that

144) I'm secretly pretty funny....at least my kid says I am

145) At least he laughs at my ridiculous jokes and stories

146) I enjoy most people......did I say "most"?  Eek!

147) There are just some people I can't be around....but that's probably wise

148) I'm a list person.....

149) And for that I AM sorry

150) And.....Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so

151) And if you know nothing else about me, #1 & 150 are ALL you need to know!